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Summer Camp Resources
The kids with the most challenging behaviors and high levels of childhood trauma need camp the most. Research shows that developing healthy relationships with caring adults and time spent outdoors have the ability to heal the impact of childhood trauma.
Dear Director: The Invisible Return Label Edition
Dear Director,
I feel like a failure as an adoptive parent. I adopted Jules when he was 3. He is 15 now. For the past 4 years he has been in 3 different Residential Treatment Centers. Whenever he gets back home, all the old patterns of explosions, stealing, and utter chaos eventually continue. This time, his team is suggesting a different kind of placement where I remain his legal parent, yet he doesn’t live with me. I just keep remembering when the judge said to me in all seriousness all those years ago at his adoption: “Do you understand that this boy is now your child with all the commitment and responsibilities as if he was your child by birth?” Jules doesn’t want to live with me anymore and I recognize it just won’t work. So why do I feel so bad?
Signed, Weary and Sorrowful
Examining the Forever in Adoption: The Invisible Return Label
Adoption is a beautiful coming together; a connection; a ritual of pure love. If you have been lucky enough to be a present at an adoption, you know what I am talking about. Gives you goosebumps. Causes tears of joy. Reaffirms one’s belief in the goodness of humanity. An
How to NOT Return Your Adopted Child
Parents do not like to admit it. All parents. Adoptive or biological. But sometimes our children trigger us so much that we imagine giving them away. This is normal human nature. We have all been there as parents. We do not like to even own this thought. And usually the thought passes. But what makes some adoptive families follow through upon this impulse and others not? What makes some families actually act on that invisible return label?
Dear Director: The Equine Assisted Psychotherapy Edition
Dear Director:
Our adopted 8-year-old son goes from zero to one-hundred in a matter of seconds when he doesn’t get his way. It is so hard for him to calm down.
He can be upset for hours. Our Post Perm worker explained that his nervous system is always on high alert due to his past. She suggested we try Equine Assisted Psychotherapy to help him. I’m just having trouble understanding why he is still
so reactive after living in our safe and loving home for the past 3 years.
Signed, Troubled
What is Equine Assisted Psychotherapy
Of course we all know about emotional support animals. Equine Assisted Psychotherapy, or EAP, takes this to the next level. First of all, you need a horse. Then you need to be outside to engage all your senses and dive deep into the peace of the outdoors. Next, you need a trained Equine Assisted Psychotherapist. And of course a curious and willing client: your child perhaps?
Lower Those Holiday Expectations
You will save your family power struggles, meltdowns, and stress if you can just lower your family expectations. Then you can intentionally design your holiday celebrations that work best for your family. Nearly everyone can relate to the yearning for the perfect holidays that never turn out that way. The key to lowering your expectations is to include your children in a discussion of what you and they are expecting over the holidays. Call a family meeting and get everyone to write down their top 3 family events and/or traditions they they just can’t live without. Once you have that list, see if there is anything you can let go of. Including your children in a discussion of their own holiday expectations and then choosing only the most important can create harmony over the holidays.
What is Shame
As Brené Brown says, shame is a negative experience for people yet it is an inevitable and necessary part of life. In fact, if handled healthily, shame can lead to personal growth and positive change as well as modesty, humility, and gratitude. Keep reading to learn more about this complicated and taboo word and how it impacts all of us.
Shame and Your Adopted Child
Shame is one of the 7 core issues of adoption. As I mentioned, I keep seeing all the ways that shame shows up in the adopted children I support. Shame is a complex issue that is quite nuanced and can hide in many forms. For the adopted child who comes from hard places, their shame can be toxic. This basically implies that the way they see themselves is twinned with shame. Let’s spend some time examining how shame shows up. Because if you don’t know what’s truly behind undesirable behaviors, you can easily misunderstand the way that shame keeps rearing it’s ugly head.
