Fetal Alcohol Syndrome Disorder within Adoptions
Attention is finally given to this rampant condition. It is estimated that over half of the children from adoption and foster care may have FASD. This gripping memoir continues to shed light on this silent and invisible disability.
Book Review
“Were we sorry we adopted Michael?” What a question to ask a parent who adopted an infant who turned out to have Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder (FASD). The brutal honesty of both the question and the answer reflects the entire vibe of this amazing book. Linda Rosenbaum offers a masterpiece in her memoir, Not Exactly As Planned, about adoption, FASD, parenting, and many more related and nuanced themes. It is a must read for any parent who is raising an adopted child, one with FASD, or really with any struggles.
When Michael was born in 1987, few people, even doctors, had even heard of FASD. It even had another name: Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. Linda and Robin adopted Michael as an infant and this being their first child, they were unprepared for and unsure of his constant irritability. The family learned how to best parent Michael but his ever-present fussiness didn’t go away no matter that they did. Michael was just plain uncomfortable in his own skin.
After much research and advocacy on the author’s part, they found a doctor to assess and diagnose Michael with FASD. They were stunned as the birth mother claimed she did not drink during his pregnancy. It all made sense though as the symptoms of FASD matched Michael perfectly: irritability, short attention span, agitated, prone to temper-tantrums and non-compliance, difficulty with changes and transitions, poor memory, ADHD, and learning disabilities. The family was relieved that finally something explained why Michael was the way he was.
This beautiful memoir continues to delve into how difficult and challenging it is to parent a child like Michael. Rosenbaum explores the dynamic between herself and her husband and Michael’s profound impact on their entire family, including their younger adopted daughter, Sarah. The divorce rate for parents with a child with a disability is as high as 80%. Linda Rosenbaum talks candidly about how “they had lost the ability to comfort each other” due to the struggles she and her husband faced on a daily bases with Michael. She describes how they found ways to reconnect through couples therapy, time away from their children, and other marriage saving choices. But she never ever says it was or is easy!
Michael’s adoption was a closed one but circumstances led to him knowing who his birth mother was and learning that one of his closest friends and neighbors was actually his half-sibling. Again, Linda Rosenbaum tackles the complexity of reunifying with one’s birth mother with raw honesty, painful details, and compassion. “Why couldn’t you raise me?” A question almost every adopted child wonders. Rosenbaum helps Michael to come to terms with this very normal yet tender and frightening question.
I recommend this memoir to all parents: I couldn’t put it down. There is something for everyone here. Linda Rosenbaum discusses bullying, school inadequacies to support special needs students, Judaism, and even what it means to undertake a private adoption in 1987 Canada. Even if you are not an adoptive parent and your child does not struggle, pick up this gem and you world will be enhanced and inspired.
Library at JFS
Come check out this book at the updated JFS Adoption and Foster Care library. We have many books devoted to the themes examined here for children, teens, and adults. Check out all our available books here.
