Even if that first family was unhealthy, it doesn’t matter. They never forget! Never underestimate the power the loss of the birth family has upon your children. Instead of ignoring or bypassing this fact, embrace it and help your child navigate through these hard feelings of previous broken family connections.
We adopted a sibling group of four, 2 years ago, all between the ages of six and twelve. Last Christmas, our first holiday with the kids, we went all out and got each of the kids exactly what they wanted. With 4 children, you can only imagine how many presents were under the tree. Our ten-year-old son destroyed all the toys we bought him. We are still perplexed by this as he specifically asked for those exact toys. We have heard the holidays can be challenging for adopted children. Can you advise us how to manage this year as Christmas is fast approaching?
There’s only one thing you must do with those pesky expectations: LOWER THEM! You will save your family power struggles, ugly meltdowns, and stress. Once you’ve changed what you expect over the Holiday Season, you can intentionally design the type of holiday celebrations that work best for your lovely family.
We don’t get it. We adopted our 11-year-old identical twin daughters when they were 18 months old. We know they were exposed to the same trauma due to severe neglect. We see one struggling with trauma related issues so much more than the other. She always seems to need to be in control, gets easily upset, has difficulty sleeping, and has just started stealing from us. We have heard that some children can be more resilient than others. It’s hard to understand though since they are identical twins. How can we help our struggling twin to become more resilient, like her sister?