Post-Permanency Newsletter

Dear Director: The Invisible Return Label Edition

Dear Director,
I feel like a failure as an adoptive parent. I adopted Jules when he was 3. He is 15 now. For the past 4 years he has been in 3 different Residential Treatment Centers. Whenever he gets back home, all the old patterns of explosions, stealing, and utter chaos eventually continue. This time, his team is suggesting a different kind of placement where I remain his legal parent, yet he doesn’t live with me. I just keep remembering when the judge said to me in all seriousness all those years ago at his adoption: “Do you understand that this boy is now your child with all the commitment and responsibilities as if he was your child by birth?” Jules doesn’t want to live with me anymore and I recognize it just won’t work. So why do I feel so bad?
Signed, Weary and Sorrowful

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How to NOT Return Your Adopted Child

Parents do not like to admit it. All parents. Adoptive or biological. But sometimes our children trigger us so much that we imagine giving them away. This is normal human nature. We have all been there as parents. We do not like to even own this thought. And usually the thought passes. But what makes some adoptive families follow through upon this impulse and others not? What makes some families actually act on that invisible return label?

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Dear Director: The Equine Assisted Psychotherapy Edition

Dear Director:
Our adopted 8-year-old son goes from zero to one-hundred in a matter of seconds when he doesn’t get his way. It is so hard for him to calm down.
He can be upset for hours. Our Post Perm worker explained that his nervous system is always on high alert due to his past. She suggested we try Equine Assisted Psychotherapy to help him. I’m just having trouble understanding why he is still
so reactive after living in our safe and loving home for the past 3 years.
Signed, Troubled

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