You will save your family power struggles, meltdowns, and stress if you just lower your family expectations. Then you can intentionally design your holiday celebrations that work best for your family. Nearly everyone can relate to the yearning for the perfect holidays that never turn out that way. The key to lowering your expectations is to include your children in a discussion of what you and they are expecting over the holidays. Call a family meeting and get everyone to write down their top 3 family events and/or traditions they they just can’t live without. Once you have that list, see if there is anything you can let go of. Including your children in a discussion of their own holiday expectations and then choosing only then prioritizing can create harmony over the holidays.
Schedule
One reason the holidays are challenging for children (and adults) is because there is little predictability. Routines change. Everywhere you turn, there are transitions. Expectations are unrealistic. Sleep schedules are disrupted. There is little structure. Food is different. Families celebrate together which can mean lots of extra people. Do not despair, as there are ways to minimize this inevitable stress. Make a schedule way in advance. Post the schedule in the center of your home. Include your children in the creation of the holiday schedule. Encourage them to decorate it, cross off days, and make it fun. Post pictures of who you will see. Post detailed activities and times. Go over all of this with each and every one of your children. Depending on your child, you may need to preview the schedule every single day. Knowing what to expect and being prepared often is half the battle.
Water and Healthy Snacks
Never underestimate the power of regular hydration and eating nutritious snacks throughout the day. During the Holidays, schedules can look pretty unusual and families forget about such simple but necessary requirements. Preventing meltdowns means offering your children water and snacks throughout the day. Remember they may not like the food being offered at Grandma and Grandpa’s house; please plan for that and bring along their favorite sandwich or another easy to transport meal. As parents, it’s crucial that you too remember to drink and eat. And then there is sleep…
Take A Walk Outside
Your kids are home from school. The days often seem endless and unstructured. In that posted schedule you all created together, make sure you include a daily outdoor walk. Just getting outdoors will help everyone feel more grounded. Moving your bodies will make you literally feel happier. And you never know what nature will surprise you with: A snowfall, a gaggle of geese honking overhead, maybe even a fox running across the street. Make it fun. Play I-Spy. Collect pinecones. Have a scavenger hunt. Most importantly, make it happen.
NO
Never be afraid to say NO! Part of lowering your expectations is saying no to invitations, events, school functions, community gatherings and even family requests. I hereby give you permission to say no to those activities that are not right for your family. And I also give you permission to pull out of an event at the last minute if your child just cannot manage. Remember to see things through your adopted child’s eyes. Stay attuned to them. Protect them. Sometimes that means disappointing others and having others just not understand. That’s OK. Creating these boundaries is key to your family emotional well-being.
Read more about why holidays can be especially sensitive for adopted children here.
