Dear Director: Our adopted 8-year-old son goes from zero to one-hundred in a matter of seconds when he doesn't get his way. It is so hard for him to calm down. He can be upset for hours. Our Post Perm worker explained that his nervous system is always on high alert due to his past. She suggested we try Equine Assisted Psychotherapy to help him. I'm just having trouble understanding why he is still so reactive after living in our safe and loving home for the past 3 years. Signed, Troubled
Dear Troubled,
When your son gets a splinter or a boo-boo on his knee, you can see the pain and suffering-it is right there. When he gets the sniffles or a fever, you can see his symptoms-they are right there, in that tissue! In these situations of pain and suffering, you usually know exactly how to fix the problems-a spray of antiseptic and a bandage, some Tylenol and an extra blanket. These are acute illnesses, meaning they come and go quickly, we hope. Some take longer, and require more medication, but we expect improvement quickly.
Trauma is not acute-it is chronic. And because we cannot look into a child’s brain to see what changes that trauma created, we cannot know what might help heal it and get it back on it’s path of development. ALL mental health conditions, except the category of “adjustment disorders,” are chronic in some sense-they linger, they take longer to develop and longer to heal and our treatments are not cure-alls. Tylenol will not heal a broken heart or rebuild a sense of hope for the future or teach a child that it is okay to trust adults. Chronic also means that it comes and goes in waves-good days and bad days, good weeks and bad ones-re-occurring memories that surface in certain seasons or around some holidays or events that were traumatic. So even with the best treatment, there will also be steps back, regressions as we call them. This is all part of mental health recovery.
In addition to the unknown impact of trauma, there are developmental stages and changes that impact a child’s recovery. Small children
can only focus their brains on one thing, so it is hard to learn to walk and talk at the same time-not enough brain power. Hormones are another factor-they may do well until they hit those pre-teen years, when their emotions get on the roller coaster and they cannot help but be a little crazy-the most stable child is at that age. Or adolescence, when they are developing a sense of self, and start to wonder what their genetics might have added to their lives and their personalities. Then later, they begin to separate as their identify forms, and they push away. At each stage, that buried trauma impact is going to be added into that lovely soup of developmental change.
The more consistent and committed you can be, the better they will come through this. That is your part of the healing process. Structure and nurture. Structure to help them feel safe, even when they push back on your rules and expectations. Nurture so that they can know you love them UNCONDITIONALLY. And remember this is not about any ONE intervention: If it works, do more, if it does not work, do something different. So try the Equine Assisted Therapy, why not? Whatever it takes to keep that brain on the path to healing.
