As Brené Brown says, shame is a negative experience for people yet it is an inevitable and necessary part of life. In fact, if handled healthily, shame can lead to personal growth and positive change as well as modesty, humility, and gratitude. Keep reading to learn more about this complicated and taboo word and how it impacts all of us.
Shame is one of the 7 core issues of adoption. As I mentioned, I keep seeing all the ways that shame shows up in the adopted children I support. Shame is a complex issue that is quite nuanced and can hide in many forms. For the adopted child who comes from hard places, their shame can be toxic. This basically implies that the way they see themselves is twinned with shame. Let’s spend some time examining how shame shows up. Because if you don’t know what’s truly behind undesirable behaviors, you can easily misunderstand the way that shame keeps rearing it’s ugly head.
Shame and Your Adopted Child Read More »
Once parents can acknowledge how shame shows up behind their children’s icky behaviors, they can begin using a new parenting approach that is therapeutic and individualized. It’s hard. It takes a ton of repetition. And time. And trust. And perseverance. Keep reading to learn real techniques to combat the negative effects of shame!
Parenting That Shame Read More »
Dear Director,
Our 16-year-old adopted daughter keeps lying and withholding information from us. It’s even like she is keeping secrets intentionally. She didn’t even tell me she got invited to the prom. Frustrating, surprising, and we just don’t know what to do. We belong to a Facebook group for adoptive parents, and someone mentioned that this is her way of coping with her shame. I just don’t get what that means or what to do about it.
Signed, Trying to Understand Shame
Dear Director: The Shame Edition Read More »
Dear Director,
We just had our adoption day for our 2 children, siblings, aged 6 and 9. We are so delighted and have no real concerns. Our Resource Family Coordinator suggested that we sign up for Post Perm services now that the adoptions are finalized. But we are tired of people in our home, juggling our calendars to find time for the prep worker of the CYS worker, etc. On the other hand, we want to offer our kids the best life moving forward. Is it Ok to wait for problems to arise before we seek out these Post Perm services?
Signed, New Adoptive Parents
Dear Director: The Post Perm Edition Read More »
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