Post-Permanency Newsletter

If you have made it this far in the Newsletter…

…then something has resonated with you about needing and wanting to connect with other adoptive families. Although it may seem overwhelming to find a way to find such families, read on for various ways to connect virtually and in-person. The benefits of knowing other adoptive families are innumerable and far outweigh the efforts and fear of making yourself vulnerable.

Dear Director,

We recently adopted 2 siblings, ages 7 and 9. They certainly had a rough upbringing, both emotionally and sexually abused. We are so thrilled to become their parents and to give them a wonderful life. Problem is we had to start working with a team of counselors as the 9-year-old is just terrible and unmanageable. She hates being told what to do and will have meltdowns if she doesn’t get her way that can last all day. Additionally, she seems to freak out at the strangest times with no apparent reason. Our therapist says to look behind her behaviors; that her behaviors are a form of communication.  We just don’t believe that. She just seems manipulative, ungrateful, and controlling.

Signed, doubtful about all this mumbo-jumbo about behaviors as clues

When a child has undesirable behaviors, there are a variety of ways to view that behavior. An “old-fashioned” view sees the child as being intentionally oppositional. A more reliable and helpful way to  view their behavior instead is based on the idea that your child is dealing with a host of invisible factors resulting in such. Keep reading to identify some likely invisible sources that may cause such bad behaviors. Then you will start to see them as actual real responses within the child’s body and brain and coping mechanisms leftover from their trauma.

Welcome to your new parenting lens: Now you know that your child is not malicious, bad, manipulative, and non-compliant when they show you their worst behaviors. Congratulations on considering this different point of view. The next step is to further dissect what is underneath these behaviors. Read on for more ideas of what may be triggering and contributing to your child exhibiting their worst self. Just understanding the why of behaviors can help you help them to improve. Compassionately appreciating what is behind the behavior can change how you react. And of course, you will need some new parenting strategies to match this new lens. Explore concrete parenting techniques you can use to help your child heal, learn to regulate, and grow! There may even be some advice about caring for your own mental and physical health tucked into then end. Keep reading…